


Team Building

by KaiBlueOtaku



Category: gen:LOCK (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Queer Character, Childhood Trauma, Enemies to Lovers, Fade to Black, Gay Sex, Genderqueer, Genderqueer Character, Giant Robots, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Past Child Abuse, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, Teambuilding, Trans, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 19:06:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19046542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaiBlueOtaku/pseuds/KaiBlueOtaku
Summary: With Nemesis neutralized for the time being, the gen:LOCK team has some much-needed downtime, and get to know one another a little more… Shall we say… “Intimately…” I use pronouns consistent with the varying physical presentation of Valentina (femme/she/her) or Val (masculine/he/him). In this fic, Val is leaning more toward a preferred masculine presentation. (Sex suggested/referenced, not explicit)





	Team Building

“Oh, c'mon you guys… Ya sure ya don’ wanna join us?” Cammie insisted. The gen:LOCK team had all uploaded to the Ether for some desperately needed R&R, and to spend some quality time with Julian, who could mix in but was still trapped in the gen:LOCK program until they could find a way to restore his body.

“No, you guys go ahead and play…” Val assured them. “I think I'm going to go find some music to unwind to.”

“[I think I'll skip the gaming as well],” Kazu said in Japanese. “[It's not really my thing.]”

“Suit yerself,” Cammie's little rabbit avatar conceded with a shrug. “C'mon you guys, there's dragon's waitin’ ta be slain!” She bounded off. Chase and Yaz gave the other two a parting wave and tried to catch up with the exuberant leader of their dragon-slaying expedition.

“You… Want to join me?” Val asked, marked hesitance in his tone. “I know a place…”

“[Thanks, but i think I'll pass,]” Kazu said, cutting him off before he could finish his statement.

“You know, what's your problem? You get like this every time we come to the Ether,” Val demanded.

“[It's YOU, that's the problem…]” Kazu fumed. “[You and all this… Whatever it is.]” He gestured to Val's avatar, which appeared distinctly more masculine than his body in the real world. “[It's… Weird. I thought I'd already made that clear to you…]”

Val crossed his arms, and set his jaw. “You didn't seem so uncomfortable with me when we melded recently on the battlefield… I thought we danced quite well together.”

Kazu shook his head like an Etch-a-Sketch, as if the faster he shook it, the more efficiently he could clear the unpleasant memory from his mind. “[No… No. That was… That was different, and you know it…]”

“Do i?” Val cocked an eyebrow. “How was it different? Explain to me.”

Kazu furrowed his brow. “[That was… Necessity. The heat of the battle. Survival. And, all of THIS,]” he spread his arms wide, motioning to the Ether around them, “[...ISN'T. I don't have to like you, and certainly not when you're… Like this.]”

Val approached Kazu, strolling right up to him. “Kazu, do you forget? We were melded… And i think that what i saw in your mind, was not distaste or hatred…” He leaned in, mere inches from Kazu's face. “I think it was fear.”

Kazu gave Val a forceful shove to the chest, causing him to stagger back several inches. He came toward Val, finger extended in a threatening manner. “[Don't tell me what i feel, Valentina… You don't have any business in my head, alright? You don't know me…]”

Val scowled at this, but then his expression softened. “You're right, Kazu… I don't really know you… Because you won't let me get close to you. Why are you pushing me away so hard?”

Kazu crossed his arms again, and looked away. “[It's just… Confusing, alright? Here you're like this… Over there, you're the other way… Why?]”

Val paused. “Does it really matter? I mean… This is how I'm comfortable. Why does that matter to you?”

“[What even are you? Are you a man or a woman?]”

“I'm just… Myself,” Val replied with a tinge of sorrow. “If it bothers you that much, i can just log out…” He pulled up his exit menu.

“[I just don't understand it,]” Kazu insisted.

Val narrowed his eyes, trying to search Kazu's expression. “Is this really about me, Kazu? Or is this something about you?”

Kazu escalated again instantly. He glared at Val. “[What are you trying to insinuate?]”

“I don't know… Have you questioned your gender? Is that why you feel so threatened?”

“[I… No, i haven't… I'm quite happy as a man, thank you very much,]” Kazu snapped.

A memory sparked in Val; one that he realized wasn't his own. “Your father,” he said, eyes darting back and forth as he reached for the memory he'd accessed when he and Kazu had been melded. “You showed… Interest in men. And he decided to toughen you up, to beat it out of you…”

“[I like women!]” Kazu insisted, perhaps a little too emphatically.

“...buuuut, you like men, too,” Val added. His tone now was not so confrontational, more entreating. Kazu's stalwart refusal to respond was all the answer that Val needed. “And you don't like seeing me like this, because it confuses you… It makes you feel things…”

“[Stop psychoanalyzing me,]” Kazu demanded, turning his back, pouting like a child.

Val dismissed his exit menu and laid his hand on Kazu's shoulder. “Kazu, there's nothing wrong with being bisexual… And if you're attracted to me, that's fine… I mean, i AM pretty hot like this,” he joked with a chuckle.

Kazu shrugged off Val's hand, and held his silence for a while, but then looked back at Val who was still wearing an expression that was so compassionate and wounded that it only angered him further. “[What would you even know about something like that?]”

“I can tell that you've got a lot of pent-up rage and frustration,” Val said. “And… I just so happen to know a good way of relieving that… Will you come with me? Please?"

Kazu was reluctant, but several minutes later they found themselves together in an Ether club venue, called B-Sides. There was a loud metal band playing in the back, on a stage, with a fair sized audience.

“[I know this band,]” Kazu said in surprise. “[But not the song… I thought they broke up years ago?]”

“Ehhhh… Teeeechnically, yes…” Val made a wiggly, noncommittal hand gesture. “Their lead singer uploaded their entire body of work to this app, and now it randomly generates new music in their style… The lyrics don't always make the most sense, buuuut, it's not exactly like they did all the time before, either,” he chuckled. He headed for a booth with a view of the stage, and took a seat, ordering a drink from the menu.

“[This place is pretty cool, i can't believe i never heard of it,]” Kazu said as he took a seat.

“Yeah, it's relatively new… They add new bands every week, and all the music is available for download.”

Kazu bobbed his head to the newly synthesized song, then his nose rankled when a lyric came up saying, “See you through a purple haze, sitting eating mayonnaise.”

Val laughed and shrugged. “It's a work in progress, the program is still in beta testing…” His expression became somber. “Kazu… I wish we could just… Get along. I'm sorry that you grew up in a home like that… It was wrong for them to treat you that way, but nobody here on the team judges you for things like that…”

Kazu scowled. “[Are you back to this again? Do we have to keep talking about it? I thought we came here to relax… And anyway, what would you know about it?]”

Val rested their elbows on the table, leaning in. “Plenty… Do you think my parents were any better? They were very restrictive… Very hateful. They didn't understand the way i was. They still don't, i imagine, if they're even still alive…” His gaze fell, face darkening. “I haven't talked to them in years and years…”

“[I'm… Sorry,]” Kazu offered.

Val gave a dismissive shrug and sighed. “Thank you… That's neither here nor there though… That's all in the past. The point is, gen:LOCK is my NEW family… I have a chance to start over again, and I'm not going to waste that… This is something worth working for, what we have, worth fighting for, to me. I am a valued member of the team, no matter what my body looks like… No matter what our problems or differences are, they make us stronger together. We have all been through a lot, in our own lives as well as together… We can come through it stronger if we just get past that all and use it to learn to trust one another…” He looked down at his hands on the table. “I feel like this thing with me has driven a wedge between us, Kazu… I feel like this is making us the weak link on the team, and i don't want that for you and me, or for gen:LOCK as a whole… It puts us all at risk… I finally have a family again, people that i care about who care about me too, and i don't want to put that at risk of losing it all…”

Kazu had been listening intently. He wasn't happy with Val's assessment of the situation, but he had to admit that he wasn't wrong. “[Ok, but what do we do about it?]”

Val gestured to the club. “This… We spend time together. We talk. Move past our differences. Team build. And find common ground…” He leaned back against the wall of the booth, folding his hands behind his head. “Cammie has it right… Buuut, if games aren't to your taste, then we try other things. I knew you like music. And, i also thought maybe it would be less pressure for you, if it was just us, and not the others… Of course, that can always backfire, but… Things seem to be going well so far, wouldn't you say?”

Kazu gave a half hearted smile. “[Yeah, i guess so…]”

“See? You are so handsome when you smile…” Val realized immediately that was the wrong thing to say, when the scowl returned to Kazu's face. Val sighed in resignation and turned to watch the band for a while. He was startled when after a few minutes, Kazu spoke suddenly.

“[Do you… Really think I'm attractive?]”

Val turned toward him, taking in the hesitance and confusion in his expression. “I do, yes… Very much so.”

Kazu thought about this for a moment. “[Do you mean that in a…]” He fumbled to find the right phrasing.

Val leaned his face in the palm of his hand. “In a neutral way?” he offered.

“[Yeah… That.]”

“I do… You're a very attractive man.” Val watched Kazu carefully. “Buuut… I also find you personally attractive. As in, an “I'm attracted to you” sort of way…” He stirred his drink with his straw. “I… Don't want to make things awkward between us, but, i figured we should be honest with one another.” Val bit his lip. “We don't have to act on it… I just wanted to let you know.”

The band and the crowd, so thunderous just a moment ago, faded into the background as the silence between them became palpable.

“[What if…]” Kazu hesitated, but mustered the courage to push on. “”[What if, say… I did… Want to act on it?]” His reluctance was almost painful to witness.

Val grinned mischievously. “Then i would say that we should find somewhere more private than here…” He pulled up his exit menu and terminated the Ether link, his avatar flickering out.

Kazu was rattled. None of this was what he'd expected, but he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't want it on some level. He pulled up his own exit menu, and his finger hovered over the disconnect button while he deliberated internally. Finally he decided, and pressed the button. He woke up in his bed the barracks, and pulled off his headset. Cammie and Yaz were in their bunks, still plugged into the Ether.

Valentina was waiting already, leaning in the doorway, her body here appearing significantly more feminine. “Come on,” she called, turning and walking away before Kazu had time to argue.

He jogged to catch up to her. “[Where are we going?]”

“Somewhere more private… And more… Comfortable,” she said cryptically.

Kazu followed her to the bay where their Holon interface pods were kept. “[We're going to have sex in the lab?]” he asked, confused.

“Not necessarily… And, not here,” Valentina assured him. She went up to a pod and pressed the button to open the lid. “In here.”

Kazu laid his hand on the side of the pod, giving it a skeptical look. “[Awfully cramped, wouldn't you say?”

Valentina sat on the side of the chamber. “Not in the pod, Kazu… Inside. Link up.” She laid back and interfaced with the gen:LOCK mainframe.

Cursing softy under his breath, Kazu climbed into one of the chambers, laid back and uploaded.

He found himself floating in the void-like space of the gen:LOCK program. Val was nearby, in his more masculine body.

“[Is it… Ok for us to use gen:LOCK like this?]”

“It'll be fine,” Val assured him.

Kazu felt a pleasurable shiver run through him at the sound of Val's deeper voice. “[Why here, though? Why not just in the bunks, or a bathroom or something?]”

“Umm…” Val closed the distance between them. “Well, for one reason, it's… My body. The way things are now over there, they're… Not quite right, for me. This way is better.”

“[But we could get a private room in the Ether,]” Kazu argued.

“But in the Ether, i can't do this…” Val held his hand out, and Kazu could feel the invitation to meld with him. “You said that you didn't understand… This way though, you can…”

Kazu took Val's outstretched hand, and felt the telepathic connection establish between them. He could see Val's memories- some of them, anyway; the ones he was presenting- and he could feel the wave of emotions tied to them; the confusion, the despair, the feeling of wanting to peel his own skin off his bones, just to be free from the flesh prison that Val's body was to him. Tears began to prick in Kazu's eyes as understanding registered on a deep, intrinsic level, and he dropped his grip in shock. “[You feel this… All the time?]”

“A lot of the time, yes,” Val affirmed sadly. “Sometimes more, sometimes less… Sometimes it's better for a while… And then other times, it gets bad again, like it has been lately… This helps, being in here or in the Ether, where the outsides can more easily match the insides… It helps when people call me Val, and “he” and “him," or "they" and "them." It never fully goes away, but… It helps things to get quiet again, for a while….”

“[I will work on that,]” Kazu promised. “[I didn't understand how much it mattered to you… I still don't exactly understand why you're like this, but i do understand that it brings you distress… And i don't want to contribute to you feeling that way.]”

“I don't know why I'm like this either, honestly... Its occurrence is well-documented from a scientific standpoint, though not explained or fully understood. There are theories, that it has to do with hormone exposure during critical stages of development in utero, but still nothing conclusive… What IS known conclusively though, is that the life expectancy of people like me, is significantly higher when we are accepted and supported.”

“[...Suicide?]” Kazu asked.

Val nodded. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“[Have you ever…]” Kazu stopped, not sure if he should finish the question.

“Tried it? Yes, once… I was much younger.”

Kazu grew somber. “[I'm so sorry…]”

Val waved his hand dismissively. “I failed, obviously… Water under the bridge. Although i do still think of death often.” Kazu's disturbed expression warranted further explanation. “Don't worry, i wouldn't act on it… I'm not actively suicidal. It's sort of a… Background noise, i guess.”

“[I don't know how that makes it any better,]” Kazu insisted.

“Being depressed from such a young age, it damages your brain. Physically… Developmentally. Suicide is always on the back burner, as a last resort… I've gotten used to it, honestly. You learn to kind of live with it." Val gave a low chuckle at Kazu's still-dubious look. "It's alright, i promise… The doc wouldn't have approved me, if i was unstable. I've lived this long; I am nothing if not a survivor. I adapt and overcome adversity. I'm just a little broken, is all…"

"[Aren't we all,]" Kazu agreed, then thought for a moment before adding, "[There's a technique, where they repair a broken piece of pottery by filling the cracks in with gold… I think that's what we've done.]"

Val nodded. "I've heard of it, yes…" He drifted closer to Kazu. "So… Did we come here to make small talk? Because we can do that back in the Ether, or the bunk… We don't want to exceed our Uptime here." He unzipped a panel along the side of the chest of his bodysuit, letting the shoulders fall down a bit.

Kazu took a deep breath. "[I'm just…]"

"Nervous?" Val gave him a warm and gentle smile. "I don't need to read your mind to see that… If you'd prefer we wait until another time, I'm ok with that too. Or, if you're just not interested in this…"

"[That's not it… I just… I've never done this before. Like this. With, um… A guy.]"

Val brought his hand up to Kazu's face, cupping his cheek. "Well, we can start like this," he murmured, leaning in.

Kazu sought Val's free hand, their fingers intertwining as their lips pressed together in an increasingly heated kiss. He pulled back, catching his breath. "[How do I…?]"

Val began peeling himself out of his suit. "Meld with me, you can know exactly what i want…"

Kazu chuckled. "[I don't think the doc ever meant for this technology to be used in this way…]"

Val shrugged, grinning mischievously. "Then that makes us pioneers, yes? And besides… This is a perfect use for this sort of technology. It's… Hard. For me to talk about things like that."

"[Sexually?]"

Val gave a nod. "It's been a sore spot for so long, you know? And it's not that i don't want to do anything… And I've done things plenty before… Probably a lot more than i should have…"

Kazu brought a hand up to Val's face, stroking down his cheek to his neck, and stopping at his bare chest. "[No judgment from me… It was you running from yourself somehow, i sense?]"

Val's eyes fell, his nod almost imperceptible, and Kazu could feel his emotional pain. "It's… I didn't understand what was going on with me, you know? Am i gay, am i bisexual, what's going on? And then, finally getting words to describe what I'm feeling, and trying to convince myself that it's not true, that I'm not genderfluid, because it complicates things so much more… Thinking i could cure my 'deviant proclivities' if i just affirmed myself enough in my assigned gender…" He gave a shrug. "The problem though with running from yourself is, every time you run from a problem, there you are. You bring them with you… There's no escape. And, sooner or later, you have to face them…"

Kazu's brow furrowed. "[If we do this… Does it make me gay?]"

Val laughed, though not unkindly. "It doesn't make you anything you don't want to be… You can experiment, and decide that it's not your thing. But…" He drew a fingertip up Kazu's neck to his ear, causing Kazu to shudder. "...haven't you always wondered? Wouldn't you like to know for sure, one way or the other?"

Kazu thought about this for a moment, then leaned in, reestablishing the meld between them. "[Yeah… I would.]"

Their lips met, and Kazu heard Val's voice in his head, "...and if you don't like it, then no hard feelings, and no regrets. Just some fun together."

*****

“They been like that fer a while now,” Cammie's robotic bunny ears drooped down in concern. “Y’think they're alright?”

“We would have heard, if there was an attack, yes?” Yaz asked.

“We would have been shunted out of the Ether, yeah… And their holons aren't active either,” Julian mused as the three of them stood in the uplink bay over the pods containing Valentina and Kazu. “Hang on a second, let me check something…” Julian blinked out, linking into the gen:LOCK mainframe, but was back in an instant. “Whoooah…” He was slightly bewildered, but then a slow smile crept over his face. “They're gonna be just fine… No worries. Let's give them some time to themselves.” He gave Yaz a knowing raise of his eyebrow, and she caught his meaning, giving Julian an incredulous look. He gave a ‘hey, what are you gonna do?’ shrug, and Yaz ushered Cammie out of the bay.

“Wot?? Wot're they doin’?” Cammie demanded insistently.

“Teambuilding,” Yaz said, looking to Julian for confirmation.

He nodded in agreement. “Making us a better team by strengthening their bonds.”

“Are they trainin’?” Cammie persisted. “Should we be trainin’ too?”

“Cammie, didn't you have another raid you wanted to run together in that Ether game?” Julian asked, trying to redirect her.

“Wooo-hooo!” she shouted, jumping in excitement and pumping her fist in the air. “Fuck yah, let's go!”


End file.
